Abbott & Costello

in

"Who's on First?"

 

http://pl.youtube.com/watch?v=wfmvkO5x6Ng

 

COSTELLO: Hey Abbott, you're the manager of the baseball team?

ABBOTT: That's right.

COSTELLO: Well, if I'm gonna play on the baseball team I gotta know the baseball players' names. Do you know the guys' names?

ABBOTT: Oh sure.

COSTELLO: Okay, you go ahead and tell me some of their names.

ABBOTT: Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. But you know sometimes nowadays they give ballplayers peculiar names.

COSTELLO: You mean funny names.

ABBOTT: Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean.

COSTELLO: His brother Daffy.

ABBOTT: Daffy Dean.

COSTELLO: And their cousin.

ABBOTT: Who's that?

COSTELLO: Goofy.

ABBOTT: Goofy, huh? Now let's see. We have on the bags, we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

COSTELLO: That's what I wanna find out.

ABBOTT: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

COSTELLO: You know the fellas' names?

ABBOTT: Certainly.

COSTELLO: Well then who's on first?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: I mean the fella's name.

ABBOTT: Who.

COSTELLO: The guy on first base.

ABBOTT: Who.

COSTELLO: The guy on first base.

ABBOTT: Who.

COSTELLO: The guy on first base.

ABBOTT: Who is on first!

COSTELLO: Now whaddya askin' me for?

ABBOTT: I'm telling you Who is on first.

COSTELLO: Well, I'm asking YOU who's on first!

ABBOTT: That's the man's name.

COSTELLO: That's who's name?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: Well go ahead and tell me.

ABBOTT: Who.

COSTELLO: The guy on first.

ABBOTT: Who!

COSTELLO: The first baseman.

ABBOTT: Who is on first!

COSTELLO: Now wait a minute. (pause) Have you got a contract with the first baseman?

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Who signs the contract?

ABBOTT: Well, naturally!

 

(pause)

COSTELLO: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

ABBOTT: Every dollar of it. (pause) Why not? The man's entitled to it.

COSTELLO: Who is?

ABBOTT: Yes. (pause) Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

COSTELLO: Who's wife?

ABBOTT: Right.

 

(pause)

COSTELLO: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base!

ABBOTT: Oh, no--wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is on second base.

COSTELLO: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

ABBOTT: Who is on first.

COSTELLO: I don't know.

ABBOTT: He's on third--now we're not talkin' about him.

COSTELLO: Now, how did I get on third base?

ABBOTT: You mentioned his name.

COSTELLO: I mentioned his name! If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

ABBOTT: No--Who is playing first.

COSTELLO: Never mind first! I wanna know what's the guy's name on third.

ABBOTT: No--What's on second.

COSTELLO: I'm not askin' you who's on second!

ABBOTT: Who's on first.

COSTELLO: I don't know!

ABBOTT: He's on third.

COSTELLO: Aaah! Would you please stay on third base and don't go off it?

ABBOTT: What is it you want?

COSTELLO: Now tell me who's playin' third base?

ABBOTT: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

COSTELLO: Why? Who am I putting over there?

ABBOTT: Yes. But we don't want him there.

COSTELLO: We don't want who there?

ABBOTT: Of course not.

COSTELLO: What's the guy's name on third base?

ABBOTT: What belongs on second.

COSTELLO: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

ABBOTT: Who's on first.

COSTELLO: I don't know!

ABBOTT & COSTELLO: THIRD BASE!

 

(pause)

COSTELLO: You got an outfield?

ABBOTT: Oh yes!

COSTELLO: The left fielder's name?

ABBOTT: Why.

 

(pause)

COSTELLO: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.

ABBOTT: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

COSTELLO: Alright, then tell me who's playin' left field.

ABBOTT: Who is playing first--

COSTELLO: STAY OUTTA THE INFIELD! I wanna know what's the left fielder's name.

ABBOTT: What's on second.

COSTELLO: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

ABBOTT: Who's on first.

COSTELLO: I don't know.

ABBOTT & COSTELLO: THIRD BASE!